"How I Learned to Hate Shadows - or - The Demons of my Sophomore Year"

Just for the fun of it, I'm entering a contest put on by Shelly Waters (her Blog here) just to get some more criticism and input on that Novel I wrote last year.  (And to get it read by the agent, Victoria Marini of the Gelfman Schneider Literary Agency.)  If you've seen my other Blog posts, you'll know I created a new beginning.  The info is below:

*Note:  edited due to comments.

Title:  How I Learned to Hate Shadows Or The Demons of my Sophomore Year
Genre:  YA Paranormal
Length:  34053 words -- yes, I know that's short, I'm debating whether to combine it with the second part,  making it over 86,000 words.

First 250 words:

Dad died in my dreams again that morning – the morning before they came.

            Dad and I stood in our kitchen.  He was cooking hamburgers.  Mom had to work late.  He wanted some father and daughter time.  We had just begun to talk.  I didn’t want to tell him, but I was having a hard time in school. 

He prodded until he finally got it out of me.

I told him I knew no one liked me. 

He laughed, said, except for your buddy, Bennie, and asked how I knew no one liked me. 

I said, I just do.

I didn’t want to tell him why I knew.

He got serious and asked, are people bullying you? 

I never could lie to Daddy.  I lifted my head up.   I was going to tell him.  I know they hate me, Daddy, because I can read people’s minds, I said.

            He looked surprised.

            I thought I saw something dark enter his chest. 

            Then he collapsed.

            I screamed. 

            I fell to my knees.

            He was staring at me.

            No, he wasn’t.  He was just staring.

            He wasn’t breathing.

            I jerked up, grabbed the telephone, and dialed 911.

            Then I woke up in my bed crying.  The sun was shining; the prism I hung in the window reflected rainbows around the room.  But I stared at the ceiling.  Why did he have to die?   The dreams had just begun to go away.

            And what was that dark thing?  That hadn't happened.

            Had it?