"How I Learned to Hate Shadows - or - The Demons of my Sophomore Year"

Just for the fun of it, I'm entering a contest put on by Shelly Waters (her Blog here) just to get some more criticism and input on that Novel I wrote last year.  (And to get it read by the agent, Victoria Marini of the Gelfman Schneider Literary Agency.)  If you've seen my other Blog posts, you'll know I created a new beginning.  The info is below:

*Note:  edited due to comments.

Title:  How I Learned to Hate Shadows Or The Demons of my Sophomore Year
Genre:  YA Paranormal
Length:  34053 words -- yes, I know that's short, I'm debating whether to combine it with the second part,  making it over 86,000 words.

First 250 words:

Dad died in my dreams again that morning – the morning before they came.

            Dad and I stood in our kitchen.  He was cooking hamburgers.  Mom had to work late.  He wanted some father and daughter time.  We had just begun to talk.  I didn’t want to tell him, but I was having a hard time in school. 

He prodded until he finally got it out of me.

I told him I knew no one liked me. 

He laughed, said, except for your buddy, Bennie, and asked how I knew no one liked me. 

I said, I just do.

I didn’t want to tell him why I knew.

He got serious and asked, are people bullying you? 

I never could lie to Daddy.  I lifted my head up.   I was going to tell him.  I know they hate me, Daddy, because I can read people’s minds, I said.

            He looked surprised.

            I thought I saw something dark enter his chest. 

            Then he collapsed.

            I screamed. 

            I fell to my knees.

            He was staring at me.

            No, he wasn’t.  He was just staring.

            He wasn’t breathing.

            I jerked up, grabbed the telephone, and dialed 911.

            Then I woke up in my bed crying.  The sun was shining; the prism I hung in the window reflected rainbows around the room.  But I stared at the ceiling.  Why did he have to die?   The dreams had just begun to go away.

            And what was that dark thing?  That hadn't happened.

            Had it?

Bittersweet Festival and Disney Memories

This week in June has always been bittersweet for me. In 1998, my father passed away on Flag Day.  In 2006, my Mother followed him in the very same week. 

And, in this week, my town has a celebration, a town fair, so to speak -- this year, we're celebrating the 175th anniversary of the Town of Three Rivers.  We celebrate with a car show and a art and vendor fair and a small carnival in the city parking lot. 

So there's a bit of a disconnect here for me.  On one hand, I do enjoy the Water Festival.  On the other hand, I miss my parents.  Even though I know they lived long, good lives and died of natural causes, I suppose I have a little bit of survivor's guilt. 

I know I'm going to feel it a bit more when I go down to DisneyWorld later this year.  I do enjoy the place, but, on the other hand, it's almost more of a sentimental journey for me.  The folks, especially my Mom, loved the place.  I enjoy it, too, but it's changed with the times.  It's almost not the same park I remember.  It needed to change, to survive.  The rides I remember are not the ones it started with, and I miss some of those.  And I will miss my parents' presence there.

On the other hand, I have done more with my life since they have passed away.  I've started to follow some of my dreams that I think I denied myself when they were here.  I knew my time with them was precious.  And, since I lived with them -- I was one of those bounce-back kids -- I spent a lot of time with them.  And when Mom went into the nursing home and the three of us girls took turns going to help her eat, most of our energies were used to keep her comfortable, along with living our lives.

But life goes on, and I must change with it.  And I am.  I go on.  And I'm enjoying my life.  I look forward to seeing them in the next, but I have no wish to hurry there.

Life is good.

Being Lazy or What?

I've been tremendously lax lately.  I know I should be sending my novel out to agents and/or publishers, but it's so darned easy to sit back and do nothing, watch TV, go to work.  I don't have to have the pressure of sending my baby out there to be criticized, do I?

No.  And yes.

If I don't try, I run the risk of copying the biblical parable of hiding my talents.  Even if you're not a believer of God, it's almost a crime to not be all that you can be.

I get "accused" by some people of working too hard.  I almost always have a feeling I'm not working hard enough, that I'm giving up on my dream, that I'm working just to survive rather than to contribute.  Yes, I'm often satisfied by my day jobs -- I don't hate my days jobs -- but I don't love what I do, either.  They are not my passion.  I'm so much happier when I'm creative.

But it's often so much easier to drift along and say "I'll write tomorrow, I'll submit tomorrow."

No.

I'll stop here and try to do something every day.  I refuse to hide my talents.  I'm not going to hide my light under a basket.  I may never be famous, but at least I'm going to try to follow my passion!

Today, I entered another contest here.  The writer of the Blog is Shelley Watters, the agent is Victoria Marini of Gelfman Schneider Literary Agency.  I know I could just submit to Ms. Marini directly, but this contest has the advantage of the first page being read by everybody in the contest -- and getting critiques.  In the meantime, I'll work on the fan fic I started.

Hey.  It's a start.

Hey, just saw the comments on my last Blog -- can somebody help me -- why can't I comment on my own Blog? Grrr....

Anyway, here's my comment:


Just saw these today -- someday I'll learn some of these programs, like Blogspot!

Thanks. I know I need to get serious about my writing. I'll look at both of these. I also need to set up a decent schedule that'll work for me. (Sleep? Who needs sleep?)

Fan Fiction, Original Fiction... Oh, my!

I uploaded seven new stories to www.fanfiction.net yesterday: four Star Trek, one Stargate SG-1, one Stargate SG-1/Quantum Leap crossover, and one Quantum Leap/Buffy, the Vampire Slayer crossover. (For a great definition of a crossover, please go here: www.agentwithstyle.com/glossary.htm -- you'll learn more about fan fiction then you'll ever want to know.)

I enjoy fan fiction. I enjoy reading well-done fan fiction and I enjoy writing fan fiction. On the other hand, I'm starting to feel a bit odd about the whole thing. I'm getting some great, thoughtful reviews on my fan fiction. My stats for hits on the stories went from fourteen on Saturday to 245 on Sunday to 210 so far today. My record on Smashwords (www.smashwords.com) is 210 for one story. (All of my stories are free.) Now, I admit that many readers on FanFiction.net have lower expectations than those searching for an original story. Still, I'm thrilled that I'm getting a nice audience for my work

However...

I've been trying to convince myself that I have the ability to go professional. I've written one book that I'm trying to market to agents, and a second book that goes along with the first. I've had a second reader that really liked it. But I don't get any feedback. I realize that agents or editors don't dare give feedback to anybody they don't know because of all the crazies out there. It's very frustrating.

And I refuse to continue with something I'm not decent at. (I don't play tennis for that reason.) It's so very, very tempting to give up the pro dream and continue with the fan fiction.

But then again, is my "success" in fan fiction an indicator that I can go pro?

I don't know. But I refuse to give up without a fight. And I just have that feeling that this was what I was meant to do. So for now, I'll grab whatever ego-boost I can get from Fan Fiction and use that to fuel my energy for my original fiction.

Wish me luck.